The Elephant in the Room

It is always amazing to me how an elephant can be hanging out in a room, and nobody will say a word. I mean, it could be a pink and black spotted elephant on a ball, wearing a tutu and people will try to ignore it even when it leaves a path of destruction in the office. Not a peep.
 
Well, I’ve never been one that doesn’t point out the elephant and I am sure my past coworkers could attest to the fact that I would speak up and get the topic on the table.
 
Is the emperor wearing clothes? Heck no! He’s naked as a jaybird!  Dude! Cover up!
 
When You Become the Elephant
So, what happens when you become that elephant in the room? I have pondered this during my self-reflection periods and have wondered if in my past career I had become the issue that people didn’t want to address. 
 
I am still struggling to come to grips with this today and I have narrowed it down to 3 possibilities:

1. I was the rampaging elephant.
2. I was not the elephant but made everyone uncomfortable by being the only person pointing out that there was a rampaging elephant.
3. There actually wasn’t an elephant. Or there was, but it wasn’t rampaging.

The second possibility really perplexed me and seemed at first, far-fetched. But then I thought deeper and realized that it may be that they could deal with the elephant, because as a collective, they had accepted the elephant. But I was the issue, because the stress arose from me calling attention to the situation.
Regardless of how it came to be, the reality was that I failed to recognize that I had become associated with the issue and not in a constructive way. 
 
Emotional Bank Account
A big mistake I made in my career was to assume that investments I made into the Emotional Bank Accounts of the company, would cover my withdrawals from the accounts of individuals within the company.
 
Those people did not appreciate my candor and challenges that I put out there to Be Better Today. (LINK) Without having a connection to the past, they viewed my approach as attacks and criticism.
 
They had not been through my 3 Pillars of Impact leadership course that I had provided and more importantly, had not experienced the lessons shared in that course, firsthand, as many of my coworkers had who had been part of the journey. They arrived AFTER the transformation and had not shed the tears or blood as had those whose bank accounts were full of deposits.
 
I assumed that my reputation and past contributions had more value than they actually did. This is common in veteran employees who tend to remember the past victories clearly and therefore thinks everyone else will as well.
 
Overdrawing the Bank Account
For those who were not there during the transformation, the past was nothing more than stories or words that were shared in meetings or in my blog. Those are not tangible investments into their Emotional Bank Account. Their only experience was with my actions which were coming across as overdrafts.
 
My mentor, Steve Moles, would ask me if what I was saying was helpful or harmful. From where I stood, from my past experiences, it was extremely helpful because it was the truth. If you can’t agree on an issue, how can you begin to solve the problem?
 
In reality, it wasn’t helpful, it was harmful. I had not made my deposits with them; I was quickly overdrawn and the solution I was pushing to fix the problem was discounted… as was I.
 
Instead of addressing the problem, putting their focus on the message and the content, they chose to focus on how it made them feel and the intent was lost in that translation. Without the prior deposits, investments in them as people, they had no history or relationship with me.
 
When insecurities exist, more effort must be made to build those connections and relationships that cross organizational boundaries. Something I learned early in my career and taught others to embrace in my leadership sessions, but something I overlooked in my own situation.
 
Relationships are not transferred or assigned. They have to be built and cultivated every day. There is a difference between a farmer and a gatherer. Sowing seeds and tending the garden is critical to have a harvest Beyond Today.

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