I'm Living The 3 Pillars of Impact

Part of the continuing series on the The 3 Pillars of Impact: Varsity Edition where we focus on connecting the 3 Pillars to creating a culture of winning in the locker room.

The hurt from having your son's school season come to an end is still hanging heavy in the air in our household. It's how we have processed multiple basketball seasons over the years through the older boys and now with our youngest. 

We discuss what happened, what should have happened and what needs to happen to prevent these feelings from returning. Countless phone calls with other parents. Reliving the moments. Seeking answers. Feeling the regret of "what-if."

This morning, I initially planned to re-share a blog I first posted in February four years ago, Challenge of Being a Parent Coach. It was the pain I felt for not celebrating a game winner with my then 3rd grade son. In a life full of regrets, especially when it comes to helping shape the lives of the young kids I coached, this one was very personal to me.

Rally in Support
While that story was a moment of joy that led to a moment of sadness; this past week, after my son's team fell in the semifinal of state district competition, it was the opposite. As my son approached me after the game, having left everything he had on the court, I was heartbroken for him. He was exhausted. He was emotionally and physically drained. He was hurting.
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There was no hesitation. I went in and gave him a hug and told him I was extremely proud of him. I was not going to miss out on the opportunity and the necessity of me being there for my son in his time of need.  I listened. I didn't explain. I didn't feed into his frustration and sadness. I listened. I reinforced my pride and my love for him - not as just a basketball player, but as a young man, and more importantly, my son. 

My family turns out to support the team. When I say family, I don't only mean his siblings but the extended family that will show up for events as well. A cousin. An aunt. My former players who are now adults. The coaching family from past teams who remember Ethan being a young kid tagging along at practice, getting up shots during timeouts, and looking for an opportunity to watch those who came before him. 

Be Better Today
As a person who has focused the majority of his life to leadership and coaching others, the mindset in our house quickly moves from hurt and sadness to focusing on what can be in the future. We spend enough time on What We Did, to help shape and reinforce What We Need. This is the essence of the 3 Pillars of Impact: Varsity Edition and why I feel so passionate about the potential to help others build a culture of winning. 

Our conversations change from expressing frustration to discussing potential. Ethan sets up his schedule to get back into the gym for his off-season shooting routine. He breaks out his off-season strength and condition program to add muscle and weight. We discuss how to keep his teammates, who are in spring sports, engaged and growing their game.

Because it's not about what happened. It's not about the accomplishments of this past season. It's about Being Better Today than yesterday. It's about Expecting Excellence in yourself and others. 

I Want vs I Will
The conversation my son and I have at moments like this may not be the typical teenager /dad conversation, but you will still hear a bruh or a cuz thrown in there... from both of us because I am that cool... or embarrassing, if you ask my son. 

I broke out my coaching tools that I use with professionals in the workplace but have also adapted to be used with sports teams. A quick K.S.S. assessment of what you want to Keep Doing, Stop Doing and Start Doing to reach your goal.  Creating formal goals committing to what you WILL do to achieve what you WANT. This is a powerful tool that documents your commitment and makes it real. It moves you from dreaming to working on your dream. 

Creating the Winning Culture
During the initial post-season blues that come after the final loss, I mentioned that much of the discussion is with other parents as well. The reminder I always have for them is that the WANT and the WILL is about the kids and players and not about them. As parents, we have to Live in Their Lives but cannot live it for them. 

Tough conversations can be difficult to have, but when you trust in vulnerability, you can demonstrate the courage to challenge in a positive and constructive way. Whether the conversation is among parents or among players. From coaches talking with players or players talking with coaches, sometimes tough things have to be said IF, and this is a big IF, you are wanting to have a Culture of Winning. 

It's more than getting up shots. It's more than fancy uniforms. It's more than being on a cool travel team. It's more than ranking and records. It's more than the individual. 

It's about a culture of winning when players, parents and coaches have the WILL to match their WANT and that they are committed to Being Better Today. It is that Culture where everyone improves that will enable a team to reach their goals Beyond Today. 

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