A challenge that I have faced in writing my blog as well as in my leadership development sessions is the number of times I use the word “leader” to describe a person of authority in an organization, knowing full well that they are NOT truly a leader.
 
By definition, according to Merriam-Webster, a leader is defined as “a person who leads.” Makes sense. But in today's society, we use it synonymously to describe a Person in Charge. But we all know that being in charge doesn’t make you a leader. Simon Sinek has one of the best quotes when he says "Leadership is not about being in charge. Leadership is about taking care of those in your charge."
 
Sometimes it feels like you are in a bad movie or an episode from The Office where you find yourself looking for the camera or you try to make eye contact with a fellow employee to make sure you are not the only person who is finding it hard to believe that this person is in charge.
 
Just in case you are now starting to second guess your situation, or worse yet, you are a Person in Charge, and you are feeling the first pang of guilt, I have identified 5 signs to help identify if your “leader” is a Person in Charge or truly a leader.
 
They Acquire Success Instead of Build Success
You see the leaders who try to use re-organizations or leadership change to bring successful groups under their umbrella instead of taking the time and effort to build up their own team.
 
You may have experienced being part of a successful team and just as you are feeling the excitement and reaping the rewards from the success, your world is turned upside down as new leadership or reporting structure has been introduced. You can’t help but wonder, why the change? Why are you messing with something that is working so well?
 
Think of it this way, if you are not a great cook, but you really like food, you try to go and eat at the best restaurants. There is nothing wrong with that at all unless your entire job is to cook and make YOUR restaurant the best. 
 
This shouldn’t be confused with collectors or empire builders. Those who look to grow their span of control. They may still be a leader. What we are talking about is People in Charge who have never built a successful team and hook their success onto the backs of successful teams built by others. Then, when their lack of leadership begins to negatively impact the team, they jettison that team and acquire a new, successful team as their own. 
 
Memory Issues
That leads us to the second sign, memory issues. Not the common forgetfulness that comes with age or a crowded mind, but we are talking about specific lapses of significant memory. This becomes apparent when a Person in Charge seems to forget their own track-record, decisions and ultimately the path of destruction left in their wake during their previous roles. 
 
They move into a new area and in doing so, typically acquire a successful team as descriptive previously. As a snake sheds its old skin, the Person in Charge begins to point out the flaws in the old area in an attempt to not only separate themselves from the history, but write themselves out of that history, and propel them forward as a visionary for seeing the mistakes of the past.
 
Sadly, they somehow forgot the mistakes were theirs which shows a lack of integrity by throwing their entire team under the bus… then backing-up over them and doing it again.
 
Lack of Relationships
This doesn’t mean that the Person in Charge isn’t friendly, what I am describing is a lack of meaningful, personal relationships with those on their team as well as those they interact with from across the organization.
 
The relationships seem to be transactional in nature. Friendly discussion about work and then that is the end. What I would describe as surface level pleasantries, but rarely opening up to be transparent and show vulnerability.
 
I remember working with an executive who would periodically poke his head into my office and initiate some generic small talk. He might possibly ask a follow-up question but if my response was not what was expected, he would become flustered and then abruptly walk away. 
 
In my mind, I envisioned him walking down the hall to the various offices, reading, and rehearsing from small note cards, as if he was preparing for a speech or a high school debate contest. Then walk away, check it off his list, that he has successfully engaged a coworker.
 
Defends and Protect Their Team…Regardless
Wait… how can this be bad? Defending and protecting the team can be wonderful, but you need to focus on the last word - regardless. Identifying this sign can be tricky if you are reporting to this person. Because you like being protected. You feel as if they have your back. But remember the 2nd sign, you don’t want to figure it out too late. 
 
If you are on the outside, it’s a giant, flashing, neon sign that shoots fireworks. 
 
It is also complicated because good leaders support their team. But there is a difference between denial and support. A leader can acknowledge shortcomings and focus on the improvement process without having to tear their team down.
 
However, failure to recognize and acknowledge the need for improvement will chip away at the trust and integrity that is needed to lead.
 
When leaders trust blindly, without understanding the situation, they are not helping their team. They are fostering a toxic culture that creates silos and builds animosity between groups.
 
Invisible Leadership
The more common Person in Charge that has evolved over the last few years is the Invisible Leader. It’s not only that physically, they are not present, but they are not engaged or connected to their team. They have blind spots and see the world through their personal lens with little to no empathy for those who are working and keeping the engine running.
 
The bottom line is that each of the previous four signs can lead to the culmination of identifying an Invisible Leader. The lack of connections, they isolate and avoid sharing themselves, fail to engage the team, and they don’t walk the walk. If that is your Person in Charge, they are not a leader, and you deserve more.
 
I have a saying that is only two words, Leaders Lead. It really is that simple. A leader isn’t perfect. They may have epic fails. But, when they do, their team knows that they tried. Their team knows that they will work on Being Better Today than they were yesterday.
 
A leader may not have authority and be the actual Person in Charge, but they can still lead. It is not the person in Charge, but the Leader, who will lead your team Beyond Today.

In Jim Collins iconic book, Good to Great, he found the key to having a great organization or team is to get the right people on the bus. He breaks it into 3 key points:

1. “If you begin with ‘who’, rather than ‘what’, you can more easily adapt to a changing world.”
2. If you have the right people, then the challenge of motivating the team goes away, and
3. If you have the wrong people, it doesn’t matter how great the plan, you are going to struggle.

 
His premise is that if you can first get the right people on the bus, then you can worry about getting them in the right seats.  When you start with the right people, they will find the seats that are the best fit for them or will be willing to listen to input from others as they work together to get in the seats that are best for the experience of everyone on the trip.
 
Many times, in life we don’t have the luxury starting out with who we want on our team. We get a promotion at work, we are born into a family, our high school team is made up from the kids in our community. In these situations, you must keep your eye out for those who have the potential to be the teammates you need and who are willing to grow into those teammates.
 
Making sure those on your team are aware of the roles that exist, is essential to promoting alignment to that bigger purpose you are all working towards. Making them aware that a role does not limit or confine you, rather it provides clarity of what is expected and how it connects with others.
 
Stepping Up Your Role
What it also does, as pointed out by Jim Collins above, is to allow you to easily adapt to a changing environment.  Over time or as quickly during the course of a game. Your team’s number one scorer may have an off night shooting the ball and it is time for you to step up and into the spotlight.
 
When I was a young man in high school, I had one of those nights where nothing seemed to fall. It was a packed gym as the neighboring town, whose team had been struggling all season, was embracing the role of the underdog and created an atmosphere that was anticipating the upset.
 
No matter what I did, shots were not falling, I was making mistakes, and frustration led to uncharacteristic fouls. As the team held me to 15pts below my season average, our senior point guard stepped up and answered the call. J.J. was probably our 6th leading scorer and rarely even shot the basketball, but this night he responded and changed his role to lead us to victory.
 
Now, if I stopped there, it would be a great feel-good moment for everyone. But life isn’t always cut or dry.  I was pissed.  I was upset about my performance.  I was not celebrating the win because I was too busy feeling sorry for myself.  But J.J. maintained his role of leader. He called me out for my attitude and said, “hey, it wasn’t your night. Tonight, it was my job to carry the load, just like you have done all season. The bottom line is that WE won.” Remember, Leaders Lead.
 
In my post on 3 Keys to an Empowered Environment I talk about the importance of owning your role. Alan Stein Jr, in his book Raise Your Game, talks about the job of a leader is to sit down with his team and explain the value of each role and how they impact the team. Stein says, “success is not about being the star, it’s about starring in your role.”
 
When Leaders Don’t Lead 
When managers, leaders, and/or coaches fail to define roles with their team, it is bound to lead to conflict which can create a toxic culture and the downfall of a team. In the sports world you have witnessed owners bringing in a “hired gun” to help make a playoff run. The problem is that new player is now stepping on the toes of people who are already playing in that role and the team struggles to adapt. One addition that on paper, looks to be the magic bullet, ends up being the trigger that causes the team to implode.
 
You also see it in the workplace where a leader is brought in from the outside instead of promoting from within or the changing of the guard as the reins are handed down to the heir. They have no clue to the culture that exists and because they are not the right person to be on the bus, they don’t bother to understand those on the bus and the seats that they occupy. 
 
When Roles are in Conflict
At work, you will see employees who have a broad definition of their role, cross what are considered to be boundaries that can result in issues with other groups. The “why are you playing in my sandbox” comments start to arise. People get defensive, push back, and reinforce the walls on their silos.
 
Some people see their role as their job and define it only as what is written in the job description. These people may not be the right people to have on the bus. They may be great to meet along the journey, but they may be best to stay on the sideline of your journey and make sure that the travel stops along the way are operating to their best ability.  They are important parts of the journey, but they may not be the ones that get you to your destination.
 
Liz Wiseman, in her book Impact Players, points out that high contributors do their jobs really well and are essential to a team. But Impact Players, they do the job that needs to be done. Those are the people you want on the bus, that will make a different, that will adapt their role.
 
Importance of Recognition of the Roles
When you get the right people in their roles, Jim Collins pointed out that you don’t have to worry about motivation, because that is inside each of them.  While that is true, it doesn’t mean that you can ignore that aspect because as a leader, your actions or lack of actions can have a negative impact which can then demotivate them.
 
Coaches need to balance their feedback and recognition to create inspiration for their team. If a coach only acknowledges the star, then he will gradually lose those who are quietly handling the less visible roles that are absolutely critical to the team’s success.
 
The flip side is when a coach is worried about creating an ego in his star and therefore fails to recognize their contribution and instead focuses on all the other roles. The coach can allow the pendulum to swing too far and can create conflict where none should have existed.
 
This goes beyond sports as we experience it in families where parents make focus on their child who seems to be a child prodigy. The other children can get resentful and start acting out to capture attention of any type. Vice versa, when the problem child requires all the parents focus and the kid who does what is expected is ignored. Feels overlooked and unappreciated. 
 
You see it in the workplace where so-called “leaders” will fail to recognize the declining engagement of their employees because the financial numbers are good, or the new opportunity is shiny. They fail to respect and honor the cash cow that supports the other activities, or they may ignore the opportunities for growth and cause slow death because they are too focused on the past.
 
Ultimately Leaders Lead
Back in 2022, I wrote about the challenges that can come from asking people to take on roles and making sure people understand and are aligned. In Iron Sharpens Iron, I reference a quote from the great, Tony Dungy. In his book Mentor Leader, he asked “Am I prepared to have great success and not get any credit for it?” 
 
A young man I respect who was a former collegiate athlete, is now coaching his own kids and you can tell is focused on teaching them the right way to get through life. He shares in a social media post the following” True leaders are not afraid to step aside and follow if someone can do it better!”
 
How powerful is that?!
 
It’s people like Stephen, who are willing to step up and step aside, when necessary, that demonstrates the importance of people understanding their roles. That is the opposite of Invisible Leadership that is so prevalent today and seeks to bring down the Impact Players that are trying to move us forward.
 
I ask that you embrace your role. Not the role that is assigned, but the role that is needed, to move us forward, Beyond Today.

Social media is on fire! Women’s college basketball has exploded onto the scene, and it isn’t just a massive marketing ploy. The late-night match-up in the Final Four had everything you could want. The winningest program in Women’s college basketball history, the UCONN Huskies and the career scoring leader, Caitlin Clark, of the Iowa Hawkeyes who has generated excitement in those who have never watched a girls basketball game before.
 
This match-up resulted in a viewership of 14.2 million viewers on average and a peak of 17 million!  It shattered the record of 12.3 million that was set less than a week before when Iowa defeated LSU in a rematch of last year’s championship game.
 
The sad thing is that it isn't just about basketball and teams competing. That isn’t the product.  The product is the emotions of you, the viewer… and you don’t even know it.
 
Reese vs Clark
We had a full year to have the sports media and talking heads fan the flames of the Angel Reese versus Caitlin Clark drama. They made it racial. They make it regional. They made it old-school vs new school. They did everything they could to add conflict where none existed. 
 
Media has taken the stance that the news is not enough.  The sports competition is not enough. They use reality shows and sensationalism to drive clicks, to drive viewers, to drive spending. It’s not about the game. It’s about controlling the product which is your emotions.
 
After Iowa defeated LSU in the Elite 8, the cameras could have focused on the embrace between Reese and Clark. The narrative could have been about the mutual respect between competitors and how game respects game.  Because that is what the players were saying all along - it was the reporters, talking heads, and the producers in the conference rooms that focused on a different narrative. 
 
Later in the post-game interview, Angel Reese opened up about the emotional toll the game has taken on her. The crazy fans, the death threats, casting her as the villain was negatively impacting her emotional state. Of course, this is a great narrative, and the media ran with it and all of the same sports people who were promoting her style and toughness, now were chastising everyone else who had done this to her, with no apologies or acceptance of their role in this movie.

I'm not discounting her emotions of the impact on her from the craziness of social media and the anger that complete strangers have for people and their actions. An Iowa player deleted her social media accounts prior to the championship game due to hate posts and death threats as well. But again, all of this is because we choose to let our product, our emotions, being impacted by others.

Emmanuel Acho is an outspoken sports analyst. His take was a little different, “In sports, you can’t act like the big bad wolf, then cry like courage the cowardly dog.” He wasn’t attacking Angel Reese. It was an unpopular view, and he took the backlash standing on the fact that it is how he views it, and others can view it differently.
 
The reality is that Angel Reese was "cast" in a “role” in this drama, and she was very effective in her role. That role was promoted by the media as it manipulated you and took control of your product, which as I have said before is your emotions. You really need to control your own product.
 
The Call
If you still do not believe that you are being manipulated, let’s jump to the Final Four game between UCONN and Iowa. With 3.9 seconds left, a controversial call of a moving screen by Aaliyah Edwards of UCONN on Gabbie Marshall which gave the ball back to Iowa and sealed the deal for Iowa to return to the national championship game. 
 
Social media was ablaze!!! They were blasting the ref for making the call. They claimed Marshall flopped. The NCAA rigged the game to make sure Clark got to the title game to increase viewers. 
 
Why the Outrage?
During the game, ESPN chose to only show two similar camera angles that left much doubt on whether or not there was a moving screen, where there was a significant push, and whether there was a flop. The broadcasters jumped on board and talked about how horrendous the call was and that referees should swallow their whistle at the end of the game and let the “players decide.”
 
The producer chose those two camera angles for a reason.  We know they have access to a lot more than two cameras, but those two highlighted the potential for controversy. Those two would create the most clicks and intrigue. Those two would impact their product… your emotions. Because the focus isn’t on the game, but on generating sensationalism and impacting your emotions.
 
Later that night, quietly, other video angles started leaking out onto social media that showed what was a clear moving screen. It was an illegal play that would have definitely given the offensive team an advantage if it had not been called. If the ref chose not to call the foul, then they are also taking the game into their hands by allowing one team to gain advantage by committing a violation that is not allowed by rule. 
 
But what if the ref doesn’t call the foul and UCONN gets a clean look, hits the shot to win the game and advance to the national championship? I would put a large amount of money that somehow, the producer would have “found” more than two camera angles to show the television audience. The tweets and headlines would have cried outrage at the non-call that kept Caitlin Clark from going to the national championship. Because, again, it’s not about the game, it’s about controlling their product… yep, you guessed it, your emotions. 
 
Who Controls Your Product
So, it’s not about the game. It’s about the media. It’s about what it generates for them and what it causes in you.
 
It’s clearly not just sports, because they took their lead from the regular news platforms. Heck Forbes jumped in on the emotional bandwagon of the Final Four in writing an article with a title that included “Despite record viewership, deep financial inequities remain.”  Yes, because the record viewership was not for the entire tournament. It was for a select few games.  There is a huge gap in the quality of the teams in the women's bracket versus the men’s bracket and so the overall viewership for ALL of the games is much, much different. The author knowingly leaves out facts to sensationalize and generate emotions… trying to again control their product. 
 
After the National Championship in which South Carolina defeats Iowa, the winning coach, Dawn Staley, does what she can to dismiss all the extra stuff surrounding the sport by finishing up with a nod to Clark, “I want to personally thank Caitlin Clark for lifting up our sport, she carried a heavy load for our sport.” She tried to put the spotlight on the positive, and not the drama.
 
What I find funny is that we can see the drama that’s created in our life when it happens with family and friends. We see it, we talk about it and many times, we choose not to get involved or participate. 
 
But we allow the giant economic engines to bring drama to us and we not only accept it, but we also embrace it and jump in with both feet and a gallon of gasoline to add fuel to the fire.
 
Sports, politics, social interactions. The drama is being created by our government, by the media, and by the multimillionaires’ guiding corporations from their boardrooms. Our emotions and feelings are their products and in economic terms, they have zero issues with supply and demand - because we give it willingly.
 
If you want to have an impact on future generations, start with controlling your own product. Control your supply and what they demand. Choose to step out of their drama and out of their game, Beyond Today. 

The 3rd Pillar of Impact, Empower Others, is the most complex of the Pillars in regard to taking it into the locker room. As I wrote in 5 Challenges to a Winning Culture, the sports world has long been the poster child of autocratic, command and control leadership style.
 
But I want to point out that empowerment is only a top-down activity. I would argue that it is an approach or mindset that can be cultivated and applied to multiple levels within an organization or team. It is an environment that exists with a team/organization that embraces individual ownership to a shared vision. 
 
While the 3 Pillars of Impact are intertwined, an environment where people empower each other is the pinnacle. It’s true that individual empowerment impacts the Courage to Challenge and Expect Excellence by making these Pillars easier to achieve. But an environment where empowering others exists will be short-lived and will crumble if the first two pillars are not firmly in place.
 
As I break down the 3 Components of an Empowered Environment; keep in mind the complexity as related to those involved. Coaches, administration, players, staff, and family. Typically, there are significant differences in background and age, but most importantly goals.
 
Administration may be focused on graduation rates, donors, reputation or winning. Coaches, while focused on winning, can also worry about their jobs - both the current and future. Players can be worried about stats, outside pressures, or the next level. Parents are worried about their child; their well-being and they are getting what they deserve. Wow! Trying to bring that all together is a huge undertaking. Let’s delve deeper.
 
The 3 Components
 
Sharing the Vision
While you can always debate if this is the outcome or the initial step, my personal feeling is that creating a shared vision in the beginning not only helps paint the picture of where we are going, but as a leader, you are showing vulnerability and establishing trust with those heading on the journey. 
 
While everyone may not buy-in initially, they can gain an understanding of their roles and that they can have input to what that future will look like. A good friend and coworker used to say, “we don’t have to agree, but we need to be aligned.” This is powerful in that you establish understanding and awareness of what needs to happen. Whether or not you fully agree on the method is another thing, but if you can align roles and activities, it will help move everyone forward.
 
A shared vision can unite a team and organization. It gives a true-north that everyone can use to validate their paths and actions. It’s a common language used to describe and connect the standards that have been set by the team.
 
Own Your Role
Ownership is absolutely critical for an empowered environment If players won’t take ownership of their own development plan, then a team will never reach its potential. That link in the chain will always break. 
 
In Expect Excellence we talked about the difference between Accountability vs Ownership. An empowered team doesn’t have to hold someone accountable because that person is doing it themselves. They own their actions and failures. They own their development.
 
As a player, roles can be defined by positions, and it is understood that the O-Line blocks and the Defensive End contains. In basketball, it can be different as some kids may take on roles of scorer, rebounder, or energy guy, but ultimately a high-quality team is made up of people who are willing to play the role that is needed at that time. Author Liz Wiseman says that Impact Players just don’t do their job, they do the job that needs to be done. 
 
Alan Stein Jr, in his book Raise Your Game, talks about the job of a leader is to sit down with his team and explain the value of each role and how they impact the team. Stein says, “success is not about being the star, it’s about starring in your role.”
 
There is a reason football coaching staffs have expanded their roles and responsibilities. A head coach cannot be the autocratic master of everything. There is too much to know about plays, people, situations, and opponents. They are more of a conductor of a symphony than a controller of the chess board. 
 
This is happening in other sports as well. Basketball coaches understand that their assistants can call plays, focus on defensive strategies, and contribute at a higher level than holding a clipboard or letting them know how many fouls. 
 
If a coach doesn’t respect and trust his assistants enough to share the coaching, then how much trust can there be in the players to perform? Ego and control are killers of an empowering culture and therefore a culture of winning.
 
Creating Trust 
The first two pillars are key to reinforcing trust. Having the Courage to Challenge allows you to Expect Excellence from yourself and others. It happens in every interaction. You are either creating trust or losing trust. Teams that have a culture of winning are constantly building trust. Even when there is a challenge, in a high-trust environment a person will give the benefit of the doubt and delay judgment on whether to lose trust. Awareness of the Emotional Bank Account and making sure you are making deposits makes everything else easier.
 
When there is a culture that embraces an environment of empowerment:

• Coaches trust their staff.
• Coaches trust their players.
• Players trust their coaches.
• Players trust their teammates.
• Parents trust the process.

 
When you think of great teams that possess a winning culture, you know that there is a Shared Vision that aligns the entire team and drives their actions.
 
A great team is built of people that own their roles. All members, at all levels, know how their role fits into the bigger picture. 
 
On great teams, trust exists and is foundational. It is reinforced by words and actions.
 
The vision is aligned. The roles are owned. The team trusts that they are empowered to create a culture of winning Beyond Today.

When I first started my blog, I was using it as both an outlet and a way to expand my reach or impact with coworkers. To share my experiences and support those who may need some guidance but are afraid to reach out and ask.
 
But since those early days, my focus has expanded. I realized that my purpose was to help others make a bigger IMPACT in the lives of others. I have used the 3 Pillars of Impact to help companies and teams develop future leaders. I have shared my personal story of IMPACT when my life dramatically changed. I’ve also used vulnerability to share with you when my life was impacted by the choices of others, and I had to start over after 30 years. 
 
These experiences led me to create a reflective tool that creates a call to action for others to be a Person of Impact. The best part is that it doesn't matter your background or status in life. Whether you are an executive, a high school athlete, a person trying to be a better friend, or someone who is searching to find their way.

I = Integrity
Integrity is the key to building trust. Demonstrating the ability and consistency in making ethical decisions is what will connect you to others. It builds and inspires a team.
 
M = Motivation
Strive for excellence in everything you do and be the role model that others look to. Living a life built on B.B.T., Be Better Today, shows others you have a growth mindset. Unite your team by working on shared and aligned goals.
 
P = Positivity
It’s not just the attitude that needs to be positive but also the action. We acknowledge the past so that we can grow and learn, but we focus on the future. You focus on What We Need to be successful versus What We Did. You are a Builder and not a Blamer.
 
A = Accountability
It’s not just being accountable to your team, friends, family, and self, it’s taking ownership. It’s helping others see the importance of owning their own thoughts and actions. It’s living a life working to achieve the Shared goals. 
 
C = Commitment
All of this leads to commitment to those around you but also a commitment to your personal growth. The greater your growth, the greater your impact. Your commitment to excellence in yourself and others because you realize the I WILL must be larger than the I WANT.
 
T = Trust
We started with Integrity and ended with Trust. When you create and practice Trust, everyone feels valued. With Trust, people can communicate openly which creates a culture where people are empowered to grow and develop.
 
So, I ask you, are you a Person of Impact? When you read through the 6 pints, where did you get excited and where did you feel guilty? What are you willing to do to work/live/play in a culture that leads to winning and success? A culture that embraces IMPACT?
 
Use this tool to identify where you can Be Better Today. Create your I WILL statements that will help you travel the path to be a Person of Impact, Beyond Today.

The hurt from having your son's school season come to an end is still hanging heavy in the air in our household. It's how we have processed multiple basketball seasons over the years through the older boys and now with our youngest. 

We discuss what happened, what should have happened and what needs to happen to prevent these feelings from returning. Countless phone calls with other parents. Reliving the moments. Seeking answers. Feeling the regret of "what-if."

This morning, I initially planned to re-share a blog I first posted in February four years ago, Challenge of Being a Parent Coach. It was the pain I felt for not celebrating a game winner with my then 3rd grade son. In a life full of regrets, especially when it comes to helping shape the lives of the young kids I coached, this one was very personal to me.

Rally in Support
While that story was a moment of joy that led to a moment of sadness; this past week, after my son's team fell in the semifinal of state district competition, it was the opposite. As my son approached me after the game, having left everything he had on the court, I was heartbroken for him. He was exhausted. He was emotionally and physically drained. He was hurting.
​
There was no hesitation. I went in and gave him a hug and told him I was extremely proud of him. I was not going to miss out on the opportunity and the necessity of me being there for my son in his time of need.  I listened. I didn't explain. I didn't feed into his frustration and sadness. I listened. I reinforced my pride and my love for him - not as just a basketball player, but as a young man, and more importantly, my son. 

My family turns out to support the team. When I say family, I don't only mean his siblings but the extended family that will show up for events as well. A cousin. An aunt. My former players who are now adults. The coaching family from past teams who remember Ethan being a young kid tagging along at practice, getting up shots during timeouts, and looking for an opportunity to watch those who came before him. 

Be Better Today
As a person who has focused the majority of his life to leadership and coaching others, the mindset in our house quickly moves from hurt and sadness to focusing on what can be in the future. We spend enough time on What We Did, to help shape and reinforce What We Need. This is the essence of the 3 Pillars of Impact: Varsity Edition and why I feel so passionate about the potential to help others build a culture of winning. 

Our conversations change from expressing frustration to discussing potential. Ethan sets up his schedule to get back into the gym for his off-season shooting routine. He breaks out his off-season strength and condition program to add muscle and weight. We discuss how to keep his teammates, who are in spring sports, engaged and growing their game.

Because it's not about what happened. It's not about the accomplishments of this past season. It's about Being Better Today than yesterday. It's about Expecting Excellence in yourself and others. 

I Want vs I Will
The conversation my son and I have at moments like this may not be the typical teenager /dad conversation, but you will still hear a bruh or a cuz thrown in there... from both of us because I am that cool... or embarrassing, if you ask my son. 

I broke out my coaching tools that I use with professionals in the workplace but have also adapted to be used with sports teams. A quick K.S.S. assessment of what you want to Keep Doing, Stop Doing and Start Doing to reach your goal.  Creating formal goals committing to what you WILL do to achieve what you WANT. This is a powerful tool that documents your commitment and makes it real. It moves you from dreaming to working on your dream. 

Creating the Winning Culture
During the initial post-season blues that come after the final loss, I mentioned that much of the discussion is with other parents as well. The reminder I always have for them is that the WANT and the WILL is about the kids and players and not about them. As parents, we have to Live in Their Lives but cannot live it for them. 

Tough conversations can be difficult to have, but when you trust in vulnerability, you can demonstrate the courage to challenge in a positive and constructive way. Whether the conversation is among parents or among players. From coaches talking with players or players talking with coaches, sometimes tough things have to be said IF, and this is a big IF, you are wanting to have a Culture of Winning. 

It's more than getting up shots. It's more than fancy uniforms. It's more than being on a cool travel team. It's more than ranking and records. It's more than the individual. 

It's about a culture of winning when players, parents and coaches have the WILL to match their WANT and that they are committed to Being Better Today. It is that Culture where everyone improves that will enable a team to reach their goals Beyond Today. 

Last week, I shared about the Power of a Mentor. Having benefited from having Steve in my life has helped shape so much of who I am.
 
Those experiences are even more beneficial as having gone through my halftime and I enter the second half of my life. As I move from Mentee to Mentor, I take those lessons with me as I engage and provide services for others.
 
It would be easy to say, I’ve arrived and to take the stance that my experience and background means that I am at the top of my game and my focus needs to be on helping others learn instead of still looking for opportunities for me to grow.
 
Finding Mentors Around You
But, as I wrote in A Coach Getting Coached, there is always an opportunity to learn if you are open and willing. Recently, I was blessed to work with someone who had no idea how much he was mentoring me. I watched him engage our session participants through asking sincere questions and showing them gratitude for sharing a part of themselves with us.
 
It had such an impact on me that I found myself engaging the flight attendants and strangers in meaningful conversations to learn more about them because of the IMPACT he had on me in the week we spent together.
 
Another mentor appeared who is 10 years younger than me. Watching the way, he connected with a group of Executive leaders in a professional yet personal manner. He was present and interested in their challenges and the impact it was having on their organization. He connected with them through his confidence in his ability to help but also through humility in feeling the impact of the challenges they face.
 
I guarantee that neither of them had a clue that they were my mentor. But I was open to be shaped and to learn and mentoring found me.
 
When you spend so much time seeking mentors, it catches you off guard when people seek you out to be their coach or mentor. Throughout my career I have always had official and unofficial mentees. 
 
Mentees Finding You
Recently, I was invited to provide the keynote at a local Chamber Awards Dinner. My talk focused on IMPACT and how the impact of local businesses goes so much deeper than the economy. I started off by sharing My Day of Impact and how my second chance at life was a message for me that I would have an IMPACT on someone who was destined for great things and that person may be in that room.
 
At the conclusion of the evening, I was approached by someone who felt moved to share their personal experiences with me. It was a powerful story that this person has shared publicly through testifying but has been an emotional struggle - knowing the message is important but the fear of public speaking makes her avoid and decline what she knows she is called to do.
 
I explained that when you are called to Lead, one of the most important things to remember is that Leadership is not about you! It is about those you are helping and guiding.
 
The person asked if I would coach/mentor them on growing as a speaker to help get their message out to others. My first instinct was to try and deflect because I didn’t feel that coaching someone to be a motivational speaker was in my wheelhouse.
 
They shot back quickly “but you are a coach, and it is what you do.” As I tried to clarify that “yes, I coach but my expertise…” They cut me off using familiar words that I had uttered earlier and said, “Leadership isn’t about you.”
 
“Well, let me check my calendar…”
 
You never know when mentors or mentees will appear and provide guidance or seek support. It may be a direct interactive experience or only from afar in a one-sided relationship. Regardless, leaders lead, whether they are aware or not. Remember that mentorship is always present, it can be provided or received, and it will have a greater impact Beyond Today.

Reading has been something I have always enjoyed. As a child, I couldn't get enough books to read. I loved the books sharing the heroic stories of yesteryear, whether they be leaders, explorers, or athletes.

As I moved into my teen years and college, the pull of science fiction and fantasy started to dominate my reading, but historical writings of military heroes or events would continue to find a spot at the table. 

But as I moved to adulthood, personal growth became more important as I worked to Be Better Today than I was yesterday. Early in my career, I traveled non-stop and all those hours on a plane flying around the globe allowed me the opportunity to get a lot of reading in whether the lessons from Covey, Ziglar, and Welch or the thrill of Clancy, Koontz, and Ludlum.

But now, time is more precious and sitting down to read is difficult with the demands of life. Books have given way to iPhones and AirPods as I capitalize on my Audible subscription.  Of the 22 books I read last year, only 3 were in written form with the rest being ones I listened to.

I decided to share my reading list of the books I finished in 2023. I broke them into 3 categories: Personal Growth, Guilty Pleasure, Historical Non-Fiction. Personal Growth represented 68% of my reading focus. As someone who likes to take notes, using an audiobook can be challenging when you are trying to walk on the treadmill and type in notes on your phone... be careful, full athlete mode is required to accomplish this!

Here is a list of the books I read. They are not ranked, merely listed out from the one I finished most recently to the one I finished at the start of the year. 
 
PERSONAL GROWTH

1. Trust & Inspire by Steven F. Covey
2. Strength to Strength by Arthur C Brooks
3. Coach Wooden's Pyramid of Success by John Wooden & Jay Carty
4. The Big Goal System by Zig Ziglar and others
5. The One Truth by Jon Gordon
6. All it Takes is a Goal by Jon Acuff
7. Fighting the good Fight by Dr. Sean Siebert
8. Good Leaders Ask Great Questions by John C. Maxwell
9. The Dichotomy of Leadership by Jocko Willink, Leif Babin
10. Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink, Leif Babin
11. Winning the War in Your Mind by Craig Groeschel
12. What Is It Costing You Not to Listen? by Christine Miles
13. Change Your Questions, Change Your Life by Marilee Adams
14. The Soul of a Team by Tony Dungy
15. The Success Lie by Janelle Bruland

GUILTY PLEASURES
(Okay, I love listening to these types of books because if you have a good narrator, they can really help capture the personality of the characters. Now, I doubt if many people would include Animal Farm as a guilty pleasure but where else do I put it? Honestly, I forgot how powerful of a book it was and could easily be a life lesson in personal development. Or I guess, you could stretch and say it is historical non-fiction / fiction because wow, such truth!)

1. Blue Moon (Jack Reacher) by Lee Child
2. Vein Pursuits by Rhett Bruno & Jaime Castle
3. Waybound by Will Wight
4. Animal Farm by George Orwell

HISTORICAL NON-FICTION

1. Legends and Lies: The Real West by Bill O'Reilly
2. The Case for Christ by Lee Strobel
3. The President & the Freedom Fighter by Brian Kilmeade

I hope to hear back from you on your thoughts on these books. If you have any questions, about them, let me know and I will share my opinion. If you have any recommendations, I would love to hear them.

Taking the time for personal growth through reading (or listening) is essential to Being Better Today than you were yesterday. Because Leaders Lead and a growth mindset takes you Beyond Today.

My annual exploration to find my One Word for 2024 was a little different than in years past. I wasn’t spending hours of quiet time, alone with my thoughts and prayers. This year it seemed to be more about me stumbling over some things that were in my way and I finally decided to look and see what it was that kept tripping me up. 
 
I wasn’t going heavy into the searching because I felt I was already there and knew that I had narrowed down my words. But then, on the same morning roughly 20 minutes apart, I received two texts from two people who do not know each other. One was from my sister and the other was a friend and former co-worker. Both were asking me about whether or not I had chosen my One Word for the year. 
 
Those two people reaching out to me was the trigger I needed, so I turned my attention to the process of selecting my One Word that has been made famous by Jon Gordon. There were actually two words that jumped out at me; CLOSURE and BETTER. Closure was prominent in my thoughts because there are a lot of areas in my life where I have failed to finish as well as some aspects that I need to put to rest internally.
 
But in the end, it was BETTER that was the loudest One Word. There are so many areas of my life where I want, no, I NEED to be BETTER. This approach at its most fundamental will help me to gain CLOSURE if I can simply Be Better Today than I was yesterday. 
 
I want to be a BETTER husband.
I want to be a BETTER father.
I want to be a BETTER sibling.
I want to be a BETTER friend.
I want to be a BETTER listener.
I want to be BETTER at finishing.
I want to be BETTER about reaching out to others.
I want to be BETTER at showing gratitude.
I want to be BETTER at showing and living empathy.
I want to be BETTER at maintaining focus.
I want to be BETTER about living a life of IMPACT.
 
I want to Be Better Today than I was yesterday.
 
As I was drafting this blog, I realized I wrote down a bunch of I WANTS but as I wrote in a previous blog, that means nothing without the I WILL.
 
I WILL Be Better Today than yesterday, and that commitment is what brings value to my One Word and will help me be BETTER Beyond Today.